Friday, June 29, 2012

You Are Not Your Behaviour

Sometimes late at night I watch cheezy TV. When I was a kid I used to watch Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous with Robin Leech. (I know, don't judge me! Especially if you know what I'm talking about!)

My latest thrill is the Real Housewives of Vancouver. I admit it, I'm curious how the rich of Vancouver live. Growing up on the West coast, I always felt that we were down to earth people and had our heads screwed on straight. Of course, as I've gotten older I've come to realize that there are *ahem* "interesting" people wherever you go. Even here in my dear, beloved city.

I get sucked in to reality shows like the Real Housewives of Vancouver every so often. Yes, the drama (drama, drama!) is addicting. It pulls me in and hooks its talons into me. But as I watch the events unfold and listen to the women talk about each other, vent and argue with one another, I am actually enthralled by human nature itself.

We have such a strong desire to be loved (by others and ourselves) yet so often we react with incredible fear and aggression against it. We are afraid to let go so we react with fearful behaviour. It's a vicious circle. We create boundaries of power. We bully and victimize each other. We martyr ourselves and separate ourselves into "Us vs. Them" teams.

We fight with each other because we fear change. So many of us are in a fearful holding pattern and yet we don't even know it. No one is immune to this by the way. No one. You could have a PhD in psychology and still be holding onto certain behaviours in a certain relationship of your life and not even notice it. You could be a revered preacher of love and acceptance but when it comes to one particular person in your life, you are stuck. You could be retired, you could be in your 20's, you could be a parent, a mom or a dad. It is human behaviour.

But it is not the talented little genius soul inside you.

Behaviour is NOT YOU.

Behaviour is learned. It is a reaction to past experiences of pain and hurt. Our behaviour is a choice and it can be changed. We can replace bad behaviour with constructive behaviour and still be US.

I believe we have the power to learn and grow through our relationships. In fact, I believe that is why we are here on this crazy roller coaster ride called life: to love, to learn and to grow. The people around us are vehicles to help us evolve with the seasons of life.

I'm not saying growing and learning and changing behaviour is easy. H#ll no! It's messy and filled with drama. It takes hard work and deliberate effort.

And you wanna know what the clincher is?

You can't do it alone.

It's gonna get messy people. It's gonna be tough. But we're gonna get through it together.


Photo courtesy of http://www.slice.ca/Shows/RealHousewivesVancouver/Gallerylanding.aspx?Title_ID=273301&coll_id=6442451006#4

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