Sunday, April 29, 2012
Check and Curb Bullying Behaviour
HR Bartender posted a thought provoking piece about the difference between a tough boss and a bully. I believe that someone who is exhibiting bullying behaviour is certainly motivated by fear. But interestingly though, bullying is about actions and behaviour -it can be changed. It doesn't need to be a permanent label.
It takes a lot of compassion, support and coaching from those close to the bully. Of course it also takes a willingness from the person exhibiting the behaviours to recognize that they want more positive relationships in their life. When pressed, they usually they do wish for more friends, more love and more respect -it's human nature. It's just that a bully didn't learn constructive people skills, instead they learnt only destructive personal skills. When I was teaching public school I heard powerful stories of how students in classrooms banned together to save the bully from their own bad behaviours. While I'm not advocating you instigate an intervention, just know that with the right tools and the right support, we all have the power to change and effect change. As always, the best place to start is with ourselves.
Here are some ways to check for bullying behaviour and how to curb it if you see it in yourself or another...
A bully acts from a place of self serving and negative fear and needs full control in order to avoid ending up in the fearful place.
A tough manager acts from a positive vision and believes in his teams ability to reach that vision together.
Focus on the positive vision -where do we need to go and how can we get there together?
A bully is focussed on external power, oppression, authority and control over others because they don't have authentic power within.
A tough manager has self worth and also wants others to have self worth, self esteem and be empowered too.
Focus on your own strengths and talents -what do you and each person on the team bring to the table?
A bully is compelled to diminish the success and inner wisdom others have because they fear it competes with their own external power.
A tough manager will congratulate others successes because they know it contributes to the good of society as a whole and does not take away from their own inner strength and power.
Everybody deserves recognition for a job well done -what did you do well today and how can you show appreciation to those around you today?
A bully doesn't take responsibility for their part or actions, they blame others.
A tough boss will take responsibility for their part and their actions and will look for the lesson in a challenge to help them and their team become more successful.
We're in this together -what will you do differently next time so we can be more successful?
Success happens when we have the courage to learn from each other, support one another and collaborate together.